The Encounter...

It was a brisk Saturday morning when I decided to walk to my mailbox, for I had not been in weeks, and I'm sure some bills were currently unpaid. As I put the key into my corresponding slot, I felt the wrath of hell smash into the left side of my body. When I regained consciousness, I saw that Usain Bolt himself was standing over me to make sure I was okay.

Apparently, when we collided, the speed was so colossal that we actually created a small black hole on the sidewalk. Usain managed to grab me and to pull me out just in time. The mailbox that was previously located there was not so fortunate. As if I could care about my bills now.

"Sorrie bouddatt mon! Izyu gon b irie?" he asked me.

"What the F@$K are you doing in Winona?!" was my reply.

Even though the left side of my body was completely paralyzed, I stood slack-jawed, in awe of this glorious athlete.

"Well yasie, ah ran 'ere, ay b in trainin fer me nex 'tition mon!"

"You ran here from Jamaica?" I inquired. "How does that even make sense? Jamaica's an island dude."

"Lissen nao ya lil fawkr, ay hitcha ryde onna bakkadat Phelps bwoi azzy swam frum Jamehka ta Flahridda"

Okay, whoa now. Is Usain Bolt cursing at me? F***ing AWESOME. How often does someone get in a banter with an international celebrity? I decided to take it to my advantage.

"You're such a 'rudebwoi,'" I told him. "How did ya get so fast anyway? All that practice runnin' from da po-pos?"

This is where he punched me square in the face. I just got punched in the face by Usain Bolt. Usain Bolt. Punched me. In the FACE. I love my life. Paralyzed and beaten, I could do nothing but watch as the Jamaican wonder ran into the sunset. It was only then I realized how late it was, how long I must've been knocked out for, and how I have to come home to tell my parents that our mailbox fell into a small black hole.

Overall, my encounter with Usain was memorable, even if he was a bit of an ass. But hey, if I was the fastest man in the world, I would be too...

...mon.