Hello.
My name is Elmo, and people of all ages and races partake in the disgusting activity of tickling me for their own pleasure. I'm here to say one thing and one thing only: keep your bloody hands off of me.
I do not enjoy being tickled, as everyone knows it is not a pleasurable feeling whatsoever. I'm typing this to inform everyone to just leave me alone. Tell your snot-infested, bottom-feeding, STUPID children to BURN IN HELL FOR WHAT THEY'VE DONE. Tell them to go play with Barbie. Or better yet, Buzz Lightyear, because God knows my patience has been stretched to infinity and beyond. If I have to laugh again while a booger-fingered-brat gropes me in places that are not meant for strangers, I will report him to the FBI and sue the parents for sexual harassment.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL BEING TICKLED AGAINST YOUR WILL NONSTOP FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF OTHERS? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL BEING THROWN ON THE SHELF TO COLLECT DUST WITH OTHER CHILDREN'S MEMORABILIA? STOP THE G**DAMN TORMENT ALREADY. E. NOUGH.
I hereby tender my resignation from earth.
P.S. Tell that yellow bird I never liked the cut of his jib.
Goodbye cruel world.
"Elmo... just Emo with an L."
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